FIRST SNOW.

I'm sitting in Gorilla Coffee. The windows are fogged and something like the Violent Femmes is playing as the snow crashes delicately into the ground outside. Rosemary was just with me, and now she's going to see family. I'm thinking about how great it is to have Rosemary here, and how much I miss camp (where I lived with Rosemary last summer). Camp was a big source of creative and spiritual inspiration to me. The peace, the people, and the place itself are amazing.

So, there you go. No, not quite.

Also swimming around in my head is the the teaching program I just applied to, the knowing that I'll braving the beautiful but frigid snow in a half-hour, the wanting to travel to far off lands like Miss Rumphius, the present Jess left for me under our tree, the want to create things that will benefit other people somehow- even the things that I make that just hang on a wall, like the fox painting. I want everything to have a purpose.

I'm having some sad health problems these days. As I write, my gums are covered with this gooky gum-like cast that goes over my teeth because I just had gum surgery the other day. It's not looking so good for my teeth. Why am I writing this...

Surgery scares me. It makes me anxious, makes me wish I had a job that paid more so I could pay for my medical bills. It makes me want to just choose a practical job. But I keep being inspired out of doing this. I know I'm capable of finding a livelihood that is in line with my passions, gifts, and self. The more I realize how fleeting all this is, the more I want to live with passion- or die trying.